Let me start out by saying that this is not so much a story as it is a rant – although there’s a little bit of a story embedded in it. Some things just eat at me and the only way I know to properly vent about them is to sit down and write. Having said that, at the moment I am writing this I don’t really know if anyone else will ever read it. When I’m done I’ll let you know if I think I should share it.
This is not anything that anyone in their right mind should care the least bit about, but it’s my word processor so I’ll write about what I want. Get your own. (Can you tell I’m worked up about this?)
I live in the South – in Tennessee to be exact. I’ve always lived in the South. I was born in Tennessee and have lived between here and Florida for nearly all of my life. I spent a few years in North Carolina along the way, but that’s still the South. I’m not ashamed of being Southern. It’s part of who I am and I am proud of many of the things that make the South great. I’m speaking generally here, but people are friendly, food is good, the weather is tolerable, the scenery is nice and for the most part, we’re all pretty much caught up to the 21st century now.
One thing that everyone notices about the South is the southern accent that people here have. It’s more pronounced in some than others, and there are subtle differences between regions. All in all, it’s generally a charming part of the landscape. It can get confusing sometimes though. I can recall an episode when my mother first met the girl who would eventually be my wife. We were at my parents’ house in Sarasota. Ellen (who is from Ohio – not the South) was talking to my mother (who was born in East Tennessee and was about as southern as they come). Mom made some comment about the temperature in the house being too high and said, “I’m gonna have to adjust the ‘aaahr’.” I don’t know if I got that spelling correct. It’s not really the pirate sound. That’s more like “AAAARRRRGH!” This had more of the short “a” sound you hear in words like “cat” or “abalone”. It wasn’t exactly like that, but that’s close. I dare you to find a valid English word with an “r” sound after a sound like that. That’s why it’s so hard to spell. You see, what my mom was trying to say was “air”. She needed to adjust the thermostat controlling the air conditioner in the house. Well, it came out “aaahr” or something like that due to the drawl and Ellen had no idea what it meant. The rest of the conversation went something like this…
Ellen: “What?”
Mom: “I have to adjust the aaahr.”
Ellen: “You have to do what?”
Mom: “Adjust that aaahr.”
Ellen: “What do you need to adjust?”
Mom: “The aaahr. You know, the aaahr.”
Ellen: “No. I don’t know. What’s an aaahr?”
Mom: “You know – the aaahr.”
It went on like this for probably five solid minutes before mom said “conditioner” after “aaahr” and Ellen finally put the equation together.
Now comes the ranting part.
There are some individuals living in the South who think that they sound less than brilliant if they allow their drawl to creep into conversation. So they try to disguise it. They adopt a kind of generic accent that is a hodgepodge of dialects found in the community around them. I have to admit, I did this to a certain degree in high school. My last name has a long “i” sound in it. When I introduced myself and pronounced it “Wraaaht” (Hey, there’s that cat/abalone sound again!) I caught a lot of grief. So I adjusted a bit and learned to rhyme my name with things like “kite” and “smite” and “anthracite”. That worked out OK. That’s not where the problem is. The problem is with people who, in their attempts to hide the drawl, overdo it and overcorrect words that don’t need correcting. There is one word in particular that absolutely makes me cringe every time I hear someone mispronounce it due to this kind of overcorrection. What makes it really super annoying is that even people from the North and West do it. I assume they are doing it so that they don’t get mistaken for a hillbilly or something. Heaven forbid!
By now you are probably wondering what this word is. It’s a word for a type of automobile and also an animal after which the automobile was named. Jaguar. It grates on my nerves to no end when I hear someone say something like “Did you see Billy Ray’s new car? Man it’s nice. It’s one of them Jagwires.”
AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!”
People. Listen. It’s not JagWIRE, it’s Jaguar. The online resource, Dictionary.com has this entry on it…
http://www.dictionary.com/search?q=jaguar
I’ll let you check it out on your own. You will find that there are two acceptable pronunciations for this word – neither of them alludes to thin strands of copper bent into irregular angles.
People that pronounce “jaguar” with a long “i” sound in it should have to attend compulsory training aimed at stopping drawl overcorrection like this. Maybe it could be a 12-Step program or something. I can see the leader up in front of the group now. She could say something like, “OK, it’s not like you are saying something really hillbilly like ‘I shore could use some new tars on muh car’ when you say ‘jaguar’. It’s OK to say that short ‘a’ sound. It’s not really an ‘i’ sound is it? See? It’s fine. Take a deep breath and say ‘It would be nice to buy some new tires for my Jaguar.’”
Before any of my fellow southern brothers pounce on me for that, let me say that if you do need some “tars for your car” and you say it that way naturally then more power to you. I know what you mean. You are just displaying your natural accent. You’re not overcompensating for it and saying something really stupid like “I-ee really des-eye-r some new t-eye-rs for my Jagwire.” It’s that whole pretentious “I’m better than everyone around me and I’m going to prove it by talking more sophisticated than they do” kind of attitude that really barbecues my hamhocks. See – I told you I was from the South.
I think I will share this after all. Hope you liked it.
